January 5, 2021
Dear Stephanie,
I hope you will take time to thoughtfully read this letter, just as I have done with your letters & texts.  I must address some of your misperceptions about me & your childhood.
In my 73 years, no one has ever questioned my character except you. Even your mentors, whom you highly esteemed, have concurred that I never knew about your sexual abuse until you told me after Ike's death, and that I never purposely abused or neglected you in your childhood.
I have never been a racist nor has my family, that goes back generations to your great great grandfather, who did not have slaves & your great grandfather who hired African Americans. Your Grandfather Amos, my dad, invited Booker T Washington's daughter,  a concert pianist, into our home for a concert & dinner with our family. I'm enclosing information for you to pass on this heritage to Owen. Incidentally, the little girl she sat beside was me.
As far as hertero-patriarchy & LGBT,  I have family & friends who identify with these, as well as the leader & his partner in the church Praise Team I sing with.
It deeply concerns me that without ever meeting me, your therapist has diagnosed me as a borderline personality, when multiple psychiatrists have diagnosed me Bipolar 2. Unfortunately, I was misdiagnosed many times & given anti-depressents that caused  horrific side effects &  extremely poor decisions that negatively impacted you as you were growing up. It was not until my mid 50's, after you were an adult, that I was given the correct medication which has stablized my bipolar. If you are willing,  I'm offering to do therapy with you with the therapist of your choice.
Although Dad & I sought counseling for you because from an early age you exhibited symptoms we did not understand, multiple counselors over the years missed sexual abuse until you were a teenager, when you were not ready to acknowledge it. We searched in our minds how this may have happened, but unfortunately we did not look inside the family. Although I did not know about your abuse, I carried tremendous guilt many years for not having protected you.
I want to address my mother, whom you believe was aware of Ike's abuse. I was so upset & angry and confronted her several times, but she was in denial, as she denied Ike's smoking. It had a negative effect on our relationship for several years, but I finally realized I needed to forgive her, not just for her, but even more for me. I'm grateful I have no regrets now that she is gone.
An attitude of intolerence, unforgiveness & bitterness will negatively affect Owen as he grows up.  At some time in his life, you are going to need to forgive Owen or you will need Owen's forgiveness. In the past, I have asked for your forgiveness & I pray that you will decide to forgive me for my past mistakes. Whether or not you decide to include me in your life or Owen's, I will always love you unconditionally & forever!
In closing, I'd like to share this quote that speaks to the heart & importance of forgiveness:
"Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions."
Much Love to you & Owen,         

P.S. On a lighter note,  "Property Laws of Toddles"  is for Owen!